This is the stage of pregnancy for me when I start to wake up in the middle of the night and wonder...what would I do if I were waking up to contractions? I confess that of late, that thought has been a rather alarming one. There are all sorts of scenarios that run through my mind. Hardly pleasant birth stories that I'm eager to greet.
What if the labor is too quick for me to make it an hour across town to the hospital? What then?
We don't have a car. What if no one is available to take me? Would a cab driver even transport me once he realizes I'm in labor?
If the baby comes early and my mom is not here yet, where will we leave Jude? Won't he feel terribly confused?
What if no one is around to watch him and we have to bring him to the hospital. Then what? Will I have to deliver alone?
What if my nurses don't speak English? What if my doctor is out of town and a strange asian man is the alternative?
What if complications arise and we have to navigate the waters of emergency care here?
If I had a true handle on godliness, perhaps these questions wouldn't cause me a moment's anxiety. Maybe my pillow would have seen a few less tears in recent weeks. But, alas, the questions persist and I battle the anxiety of living far from friends and family, in a very strange land where every acquaintance or friend we have, we've only known for 5 months or less. At 8 months pregnant, my emotions are hardly ruled by truth at every moment. And most often, in the middle of the night when my mind jumps onto that track, I want to write a desperate email home begging my mom to come early....just in case.
What do I know though?
I know that God keeps his promises. That if he cares for the sparrows and flowers of the field, he'll much more care for me.
I know that worry is fruitless and forbidden. The proper action is thanksgiving and prayer, not fretfulness.
I know that this little one's days have already been planned out by one much wiser than I. There will be no surprises to him.
And so. I'll probably keep waking for another few weeks. And I can't promise I won't shed a few more tears...but I'll be battling to put aside the 'what if's' and put on truth.
After all, promises are meant to be trusted.
8 comments:
yes
yes
yes and yes!!!!
We will pray for you that all goes as planned. I can't imagine feeling any other way in your situation.
ditto to what katharine said.
Oh, girl. I love it when you are honest. It's so somewhat refreshing when we realize we will never get the whole godliness thing down until heaven, so we can just breathe and accept His grace for what it is. Free and unconditional.
You know what. Some of that stuff just might happen. The important thing is to realize that nothing suprizes the Father and He already knows exactly how it will all play out. I had Blake overseas and the nurses/doctors did not speak English. I did have an emergency C-section in Asia. With my 3rd birth, I went into labor early and was alone up until I went for surgury because Jonathan was running around trying to find a babysitter. My parents arrived a couple of days later. Things don't go as planned and they are not ideal. You can plan and prepare (which is well and good), but only He knows how it will end and He promised it would all be for good.
Also, I meant to say that even with all of that stuff I ended up with 3 beautiful, healthy kiddos who are the joy of my life. Just keep thinking about that bundle of joy you will love to no end! It's all worth it in the end. Praying for you girl!
I came across a quote recently that read "Godliness is not perfection, Godliness is pursuing the perfect person who is Jesus Christ." If this quote is true, then I think you know much of godliness.
My family and I will be praying Psalm 4:8 over you through the remaining weeks of your pregnancy. May you lie down and sleep in peace, knowing that the LORD will help you, David and your little ones(born & unborn) to dwell in safety. As always, thank you for your transparency and "keepin' it real".
Praying for you and your labor/ hospital experience! Love ya, sister!
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