Wednesday, October 15, 2014

on acceptance

The past few months have not been all I had imagined.  The length and severity of the sickness accompanying this pregnancy caught me off guard.  I have needed a lot of help from my husband.  My children have watched a good bit more television than I would have liked.  We've eaten quite a bit more take out than usual. I have needed to pull back a lot just to maintain our house.  And finally, there was a giving in to much heavier medication than I wanted to take.

Somewhere in the midst of another morning in bed, I remember a moment when my heart breathed acceptance.  I could not control the spiral.  The options became complaint or acceptance.

It was not laziness motivating me to stay in bed each morning, but necessity. The guilt that kept creeping in on my heart and attacking my lack of productivity could not stand when I accepted that it was the Father's hand bringing this season. It was a rock for me to return to when my thoughts were wild with all I was not doing. It brought more peace and rest in even receiving help.  My days have become much quieter.  My time outside of these walls fairly limited.  My body needed rest.  And it would not let me have it any other way.

This season is moving forward.

My nausea is slowly fading.  My energy is gradually returning.

In hindsight, that moment of acceptance was one of the sweetest I've experienced.  It was a sort of casting myself upon the sovereignty of the Father, knowing that He made my body and He is making this new little body growing inside of me.  His purposes are not to be thwarted.

I am grateful for these quiet days.

His will toward me is good. 

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