Tuesday, June 30, 2015

round and round

We are finally settling in.  The daily routine is taking root and our little family is adjusting.  Hubs is lovin' being back at it.  His schedule is full. Asher is napping like a champ, growing that brain.  I have two little boys off at school every day from around 9:30 to 2:30. Wow.  That seems like a lot of time.  I should be cranking it out, right?

Clean up from breakfast. Feed the baby. Put away the laundry.  Chat with the house helper. Work on a project for hubs and the business. Get little bit down for a nap.  Get the groceries. Prep the dinner. Feed the baby. Change the diaper explosion. Wash the fruit and vegetables.  Try to work out. Fail at working out:) Eat lunch. Return a phone call. Fix a snack for the boys. Feed the baby. Load up to go pick up the boys. Play. Homework. Dinner. Bed.

This is harder than I thought it would be.

In the excitement of our American adventure, I think I kind of forgot the monotony of real life. Even real life here.

There's more work to do than I realized.  And sometimes, it doesn't feel like I'm doing it very efficiently.  Or maybe there's just a lot to take care of.  Then I glance over at that baby, the cute one, who sleeps sometimes but cries sometimes too.  He doesn't exactly help me stay focused.  I fooled myself into thinking that just because he can't talk to me yet, he'd not be much of a distraction.  Wrong.  Oh. So. Wrong.

I drive past a little slum camp on my way to get the boys, and I try to figure out a way I could help them.  I have no idea how to take my baby into that.  An orphan knocks on my window at a stoplight, and the best I seem able to manage is to pass a few crackers out of my purse.  Because I have three kids strapped in the back seat and I just have no idea how to safely stop and do more.

It's a transition season for me.  And I'm not sure what it's supposed to look like on the other side.  I'm figuring out what the round and round is meant to hold right now. The list might look good, but the reality can feel so laden with ordinary.  I think that's what that passage on servanthood might have been alluding to, eh?

The gospel is free.  It is absolute grace to a sinner like me.  No strings attached.  I don't have to do a single thing to be commended by God. Jesus is enough.  I am so grateful.

The same free gospel puts a love in my heart thought that prompts action.

What does it look like for me in this season?

I'm not sure.

And the tension is good.

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