Thursday, January 28, 2016

Celebrating small

This is the season in our big asian city when I lament the air quality produced by 10 million people sharing a small space. Asher's cough came back with a vengeance. Silas is wheezing. The air is thick every morning with smog. I'm contemplating a face mask.

My primary ailment however is nothing more than extreme sleep deprivation.  This comes with the motherhood package.  My main goals this week are to make sure every one is fed, bathed, kissed and clad.  Beyond that, we're considering all output a bonus.

I wanted to put something new on my podcast line up this week and stumbled across this episode with Emily Freeman.  Let's be honest, I was pacing a baby to sleep as I listened so I am sure I didn't catch everything, but there was one little line that startled my heart.  It's been rolling around my mind since I heard it.  She talked about a moment in counseling when some very simple words were spoken to her.

Celebrate your smallness.

As a young mom, I would say that I spend a good deal of time thinking about small details, encouraging myself and others to enjoy the small moments.  The way the baby smiled.  The five year old who just lost a tooth.  The noise of wild boys wrestling in my house.

But there is a very significant distinction for me between celebrating the tiny details of life, and celebrating my own smallness.

In fact, if I'm honest, I am constantly fighting against smallness. What project can I be a part of that will make a difference? What work can I do in this day that will really matter? Are we living our lives in a way that produces something…however good? None of these are bad questions.  But they are often lopsided in my life.

I spend very little time contemplating my smallness.  After all, our entire generation grew up believing that with a little bit of elbow grease, we could change the world. My mind rushes to what I can do and be and change.

But I want to spend more time bowing low, remembering that I am small. Celebrating my smallness. Relishing God's vastness. My life is a breath. He has always been and always will be. I am small.  God is big. He is in control.  I'm actually not.

With babies fussing and little boys' bikes crashing around me, I'm reveling in my smallness this week. Remembering that I am indeed the beloved creation, but HE is the Creator.

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, 
the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, 
what is man that you are mindful of him, 
and the son of man that you care for him? 

O Lord, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth. 

Excerpts from Psalm 8, ESV

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